Familiarly, I welcomed the sound of his little shoes scraping the gravel; reminding me of the siblings before him, and their not so little feet anymore. The sun was bearing down on us heavily, as my eyes scanned the garden for a shaded place to lounge. The river brought a comforting breeze allowing the fragrant smell of grass, and flowers to greet us.
“Dat mama?” — His way of curiously asking me what a tiny insect creeping hurriedly across a large rock was. This insect or bug, I had never seen before, camouflaging itself within the patterns of the rock so skillfully.
“Well it’s some form of creature, I am not sure what to call it.” I smiled and nodded, as if I were satisfied with not knowing, looking back I wish I had captured a photo and learned about that little fellow.
“Would you like to name it?” I asked Robert, gently.
“Yeah.” He nodded his head. “Dadu.”
Continuing his journey, he ran up paths, and down again, while pulling his hand away because he wants to be so independent. “I do it.” He shouts, while running to wherever his eyes found delight.
“Pretty.” He shouted as we walked past the flower bushes.
Robert loves flowers and birds! We stopped to glance at the flowers, admiringly, as he plucked a flower for his sister and ran to bring it to her; however he decided on the way, he’d rather keep it. A rose bush stood just a few inches away and caught his attention; although it was covered in thorns. Not an ounce of fear stood between him and this bush. He calmly leaned forward grabbing a branch and smelled it “Ahhhh” Robert sighed as he glanced at me with a great big smile.
I could see the light in him, that joy and excitement when you discover something satisfying for the first time. We adults have it now and then but we tend to abuse it and take away the delight.
It’s like having a favorite food, but you eat it too much and then you grow weary of it.
My Mother used to always tell me “everything in moderation” and she was right.
When you are constantly doing the same things day after day, night after night; you will grow cold, tired, and bitter. Learning and discovering are meant to take your whole life, we’ve never arrived, we are always on a journey, we are always adapting or evolving.
Following around my little boy reminded me of the lens I forgot to look through, that dusty old lens I tossed away. I thank everything living spiritually or physically for our young, they are blessings sent to teach us many things we thought useless while we got distracted.
Hi everyone! I have been gone for so long. I took a break from so many of the things that used to give me some form of solace. I was singing for a while on SoundCloud but took time away since I had my new son.
He was born July 2, 2017 and his first birthday is in 3 weeks. I can not believe a year has come and gone, and I am scrambling to prepare a birthday party for him.
What’s been going on?
We lost my Father on April 7th, and it has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.
I have been so lost with my emotions I lost Mom back in 2010 and losing Dad too gave me such a fear. It was as if you’re on your own for good now, there is just something about that thought, not being able to pick up a phone and call your parents.
So, I am coping the best way I know how. I am pouring myself and my energy into my children and our futures.
I have really learned to appreciate time!
What about writing?
I started this blog a while back and thought maybe this will take me somewhere <laughing quietly> (I don’t want to wake my teething baby)
I don’t think I am a really good writer so this has become my place to journal things and maybe, just maybe someone can relate.
My novel is at a stand still, I am almost done but I am so afraid to finish it. Everything I have ever tried to be good at failed, so I guess it’s my way of telling myself “why bother?”
I think the only thing I may be good at is being a Mom; although some mornings I look like a mombie and grumble like Golem before I have had my coffee.
Who said being a single mother of seven kids was easy? They’re now 20, 19, 17, 16, 13, 8, and almost 1. After preparing for Life goals, college prep, cleaning, laundry, cooking, appointments, vet bills, and other bills, I am still standing.
I am about to go back to work soon, although looking for work at 39 is sooooo hard, who can relate? if I was younger I would have had a call back already. Ugh, the struggle is real my friends.
Sorry to be so brief and random, I am exhausted! Wish me luck please, I hope to find something soon.
Time, the indefinite, eternal process of existence or occasions that join past, present and future..
I swear, how many times must I fall before realizing I ran this marathon, what like a million times?
Why do we need to try and find validation within others?
I found when you do not identify with ego at all and you’ve become so low that you have no value, you will seek that pride, admiration, love from someone else. Unfortunately people set themselves up for failure, you expect another person to rescue you when all you have done is imprison yourself.
The expectations you set for another person are really the standards you need to apply within to yourself. You are the only person who knows you the best! That void you feel is because you have stopped believing in you, stopped loving you. Heartbreak and heartache exist because you put all of your faith in someone else.
We are told that we have to let go of our ego in order to love properly, or you’re conceited if you love yourself. Except there is a healthy space, a healthy balance within the human psyche for self-pride without becoming a narcissist or total ass.
Without self love,-you can’t love
Honestly, its hypocritical to say you love someone and then turn around and reflect a model of self-hatred. Forgiving yourself, and embracing the present time to be able to move forward towards a better you is the greatest road to begin.
and sometimes, yes those past demons will try to remind you that you failed in the past, but you tell those demons thank you for reminding me why I need to push forward ten-times harder and giving me the strength to do so, because I did this before but that was a practice test, I am ready for the final!!
This week my Daughter was able to text me two pictures on two separate days, of her lunch, see below:
I was completely disgusted at the lack of food firstly, the appearance secondly, and where is the nutrition? I currently have three of my children enrolled in public school, and wondered why they always come home hungry. Some days they won’t eat because it is just plainly inedible. On other days when they are left lacking, they will request more food and get told there is not enough.
Would you feed this to your children? Come on we have got to do better than this.
Fyodor gives us a clue in the word meaningful when he describes “work” furthermore when he states “lose their reason for existence” he reveals the depth of his statement.
So many people are employed or working for wages; yet hate their jobs. They are going as Fyodor says “stark raving mad.” Could you imagine the destitution of the human essence when it is not striving towards its purpose?
Some may search for their purpose and feel like they failed to find it, when all along it was the very thing they least expected. The work that you are destined to do is the thing you are most passionate about, the thing that makes your heart soar.
When it is found, treasure it greatly and master it! Eventually you will find you’re passionate about many things and take on more “work.”